Flying as a passenger 101

 

The adverse effect of pressurisation. Hahahaha

 

Ya Allah I’ve been on a hiatus for a week! I should renew my commitment towards being committed to this baby, my blorg that is. Was sick few weeks ago and hahaha, sick again this week. Before the further elaboration on the topic of flying, may I express my frustration towards AIM for not granting Siti Nurhaliza any award for this year. Hands down, no one stands at par to the quality of her voice and let alone be better than her! YES I am mad and I am as I was typing this. Seriously Malaysian music industry, please reevaluate yourself, where will you be without the presence of the most successful singer ever. I don’t think any other nation on this planet owns a singer with such fruitful career and hold the throne for being the number 1 entertainer for such a long duration.

NO ONE CAN BEAT SITI NURHALIZA!!!!! NO ONE NO ONE!!!

 

OK enough of blabbering, let’s talk about flying. Yeah checking in at the counter or doing it online, holding the boarding pass, gracefully walking to the departure gate pretending yourself strutting the catwalk on the runway of Versace. Flying with airliners will just kick the enthusiasm knob to high gear. Alhamdulillah thank you Ya Allah, I always appreciate flying with airline and today I’m working for one, oversea. Ahahahaha. These few keypoints that I’ll share with you are just basically based on my point of view, through my observation. Therefore if you’re judgemental enough, you may skip. Hahahaha.

 

Danau Toba taken from flight level 160

 

Do not be late

Nobody likes to be delayed, right? Smack yourself hard if you like so. There’re so many factors that may contribute to the delay of an aircraft’s departure and arrival. Blame it on aircraft traffic, technicalities of the aircraft, weather accumulation and even ground handling issues. Yes, there’re so many possible factors that may lead towards delay and please, DO NOT BE ONE OF THEM. Take my words seriously and I am being serious. Be at the airport at least 2 hours before, be ready at the departure gate as per schedule and walk fast. Hahahaha. Always practice online check in as this will cut the time for any processing at the airport. If you’re embarking for an international flight, be much much ahead of time, at least by 3 hours. Immigration check may consume your time.

 

Another international destination: Penang Island. Hahahahaha

 

Do not carry along an elephant as a hand carried luggage

Hahahaha if you possess the energy to carry along a mama jumbo, you might be flying with an entourage of a circus. I do understand that most of the airline travelers are complaining on the restriction of the size and the weight of the hand carried luggage. Not forgetting the check in luggage must abide to such limitations and will cost quite a lot if you ever exceed it. Bare in mind, the overhead stowage in the aircraft is just like a house. If you own a 3 bed room apartment, you can’t afford to bare 14 kids. You just can’t fit it in. It is always troublesome for a passenger to block the aisle and cause delay for boarding just coz he or she is struggling to fit his or her luggage/a huge box of cookies/50kg sack of rice into the stowage. Mind you, aircraft performance is limited by its weight. You don’t wanna put the pilots to struggle, being one of the reason why the aircraft is overweight. Ooooo I’m fierce!

 

 

Chicken curry. A potful!

 

Switch off the freaking phone!!

You do realize that when you put your phone next to the TV or car audio, you can hear the static noise tettt tettt tettt right? Yes, it can happen the same way to the aircraft. the signal that you may receive will just be an annoyance and it worst case scenario, it may cause miscommunications between the pilots and the controller. Logically you can’t expect to get any mobile network at the high cruising altitude. But this is crucial at lower altitude for example on descent to land and it is a crucial phase of the flight. I did use the word crucial twice in the previous sentence haha.

 

With crazy Kelly. When are we gonna head down to the karaoke and dangdut again??

 

Why the cabin lights are switched off during take off and landing

This is the most obvious if your departing and landing at night. The airline is not playing hide and seek of any such kind. The purpose of doing so is for situational adaptation. All that is in mind is focused towards emergency evacuation. You don’t wanna give ur eyes a shock. Imagine yourself driving through a dark tunnel and exited out to a bright sunlight. Yes, your eyes just can’t take the sudden brightness. Vice versa if you’re walking into a dark place. OK I’m soo sleepy. Enough with these few points of my view. ahahaha

 

P/S: Will you still love me tomorrow, Siti Nurhaliza??   

I crashed a wedding, and I like it!!

 

Took the lift from the 22nd floor to the lobby. Transport to the airport is expected to leave within 20 minutes. As usual I’m the first crew to check out. It goes as second nature that I need to be punctual at every point of time. Punctuality can’t even justify this good trait of mine hahahaha, I need to be ahead of time in whatever I do. If ever I gonna get married and my wife is a slow poke, I’ll not hesitate to file for divorce. OK that’s too much, shut up now hahaha.

Met this lady, with full make up and her beehive-esque hairdo. Oh she made me miss Amy Winehouse even more. I’m pretty sure she’s heading for the wedding at the convention hall. Not as a bride for sure ahahaha.

That lady: You’re flying?

Siti Nurhaliza’s biggest fan: Oh yes, to Denpasar and back to Surabaya ( was hoping she’ll invite me for the occasion ahahaha )

That lady: Good, do come to my daughter’s wedding. We start at 7pm

Siti Nurhaliza’s biggest fan everrrr: Oh really ( blushing. bahahahahaha ). I’ll try to make it on time.

 

It was just a short flight and we were on schedule, landed before 8.30pm. That was none of the concern at all. I know the traffic in downtown Surabaya on saturday  night will be atrocious, and to top that, they’re celebrating Hari Pahlawan, lots of road, main roads for reemphasis, were closed and the traffic was put to halt. ARGHHHHHHHHH. All that I can think of during the flight was about to make it on time to the wedding.

But what to wear? I only brought along pyjamas and a set of uniform. I can’t wear jeans. Ermmmm. Just stick with the uniform. I think I look rather apart in it ahahahaha.

Reached the hotel at 10pm T_T An hour and a half journey which usually will be just 30 minutes for god’s sake. But the main focus and thrust was for the wedding and I better make it there. Better. Was taken as a joke by the rest of the crews, thinking I was crazy. But who cares, I WAS INVITED!

 

Came in and to be greeted by the empty aisle - _______ -

 

Immediately, I went in for the search of the mother of the bride. She’s the reason why I was there and at least and excuse for crashing a wedding. AGAIN, I WAS INVITED!!

 

Met the lady ( huge sigh of relieve coz she was able to recall who I am ahahaha ) and the bridal couple. My biggest intention was to experience the Javanese wedding reception right before my eyes ( the groom’s attire was rather revealing don’t you think? ). The hall was superbly decorated and I know it costed tons for such event to be held in the hotel. And yes, it was held in the hotel. How can a person decline an invitation of such holy matrimony at a grand place! ahahahaha

 

To prove that I was the last guest to arrive hahahaha

 

And when the hotel staffs came in to pack up the leftovers, that’s when I came in ahahaha. The food looked untouched! and still in a huge quantity! Oh snap I’m such a freeloader hahahahaha

 

Suffice for me to just have a small plate to take into consideration that I arrived unfashionably late and I was alone. Had this nice fried rice and fried fish with lemon sauce. Was a bit disappointed, hear me I’m not complaining but it’ll be more memorable if they serve authentic Javanese delicacies. I guess the hotel can’t meet up to such requirement. See, I’m not making a fuss out of it I’m just hoping for authenticity hahaha.

 

 

The groom approached me when my mouth was full, with a door gift. He thanked me for making it to the wedding. That was just beyond sweet. He doesn’t even know who the hell I am.

 

 

 

The altar. They were bringing it down as I snapped the photo HUHU.

 

The empty hall. It’s about time for me to walk off. Nice food, I’m liking it!

 

 

  Supposed to wait for the photographer to take our photo, overlooking the super big banner of the bridal couple. The photo will be emailed to me, if I wanted to. By the way the photo of the couple was taken in a Kraton, or palace in Madura Island. I highly suspected that the family are royally linked. Just a thought.

Wow I’m loving it, crashing people’s wedding. The hospitality was beyond my expectation, they treated me like a family member though we just acquainted, like for 15 minutes. Hahaha. I even promoted Malaysia as a honeymoon destination to the newlyweds. How sweet am I right? In return they asked me when will I gonna get married. WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? Why bother asking me such question?? I still don’t believe in settling down. Terrifying, marriage is what I’m truly repelled from. Hahahaha.

 

P/S: Congratulations Siti Nurhaliza for such a magnificient show you did in Kuantan. I know you’ll rock it good. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU. Ahahahaha

I survived emergency ward, alone

 

CAUTION: Read at your own discretion. This post contains lots of medical jargons ( so not ) and explicit details of the situation as a whole. I’ve warned you. Hahaha

 

So sorry for being away for quite a while. This post is my way of making up for the lost times. Ya Allah I’m so considerate towards my uncertain number of readers/followers/stalkers hahahaha.

I was sick. Sick to the point of breakdown. The doctors gave up, I was made to sign a piece of document to justify my refusal of being admitted to the ward. At the end of the day, I don’t even have to. The whole hospital was full. If they still insist to keep me in their observation they might need to place me in the labour room, or the death bed. OK shut up.

 

It all started with, James Bond.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YA ALLAH THAT’S SOOO FUNNY. OK, you should see my face as I was typing this, I ain’t kidding.

A friend was in town and I was beyond thrilled to take him for a night out, and the latest Bond installation is out, Skyfall. Love it! Ever since Daniel Craig stepped into the scene, I’ve never been more impressed. I’m glued to the whole James Bond phenomenon. Pierce Brosnan, may you retreat to a peaceful retirement. Hahahahaha.

It goes by nature that I hardly order popcorn or drinks for the movies I watch in the cinema, to be frank I don’t even fancy watching movies at the cinema either. Most of the time back in KL my Mama will be the one suggesting to go out for a movie. I just don’t do movies in the cinema quite well. OKKK back to the real time, my friend was being generous and he gave me a treat, a hot dog. I highly suspected that thing was the source of the near pandemic. I knew it. Coz I didn’t consumed anything huge before that. Is tapioca chips that I had as snacks few hours before is counted as a meal?

Blah blah blah the movie ended blah blah blah bond girl is hot and she died after she got shagged as predicted blah blah blah went back home and had a good night rest. Woke up the next morning, had the urge for the toilet bowl. Visited the bathroom for that call of nature. Took my pants off ( ooooo explicit hahaha ), and then, fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuushhhhhhh. The sound of water flushed out from my backdoor. HAHAHA. I was soooo shocked I thought I urinated. But I didn’t. What was that??? It happened the whole day, summed up to more than 20 times. Yes it was a lot, and nasty.

Like a normal diarrhoea cycle, It should just walk off after a day, That’s how it usually occurs on my body. But it didn’t. And this time around, only water came out! No solid was at sight! The same thing the next day. I took myself to the hospital for some consultation, and the doctor was being persistent, I need to be taken care of in the ward. But the ward was full. What’s up with the limited number of bed?

Woke up on the third day, the same vicious cycle, I was purging water like the pipe is loose. I can’t take control of my outlet. I was dehydrated. Situation was getting worse as I was getting muscle aches and cramps, particularly over my shoulder. A sign of salt imbalance due to loss of bodily liquid. My friend advised me on that. I’m no expert in this field. I was alone, my friend was away to the town to settle his business, and I was dying ( ok exaggeration ). I need to live. I love my life. Let’s check out the hospital again. This time to the emergency ward.

 

 

And that’s how i  ended with that branulla stucked to my wrist. oooo my wrist is soo slim, actually I do benefit something from this diarrhoea thing hahaha. Cheated my way in to the emergency, convinced the doctors that I was advised by the doctor that consulted me the day before to go straight to the ER. What can I do with it, I was shrinking, I drink a lot to recover for loss of water yet my urine is soo thick, my body wasn’t absorbing much. I was infused with a litre of that saline solution. Alhamdulillah thank Allah I’ve made the right decision. Though have to pay extra for the taxi hahaha.

 

 

The doctors and nurses constantly asking where’re my family members, why am I alone. They just worried that if anything goes wrong, they might just have to push me into the garbage as no one might claim my corpse OKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK SHUT UP!

 

That is painful. Not at the moment when the nurse poke my skin. As the treatment goes your wrist became stiff, it made texting and BBM-ing, whatsapp-ing, FB-ing, twitter-ing and anything social networking a stressful ordeal. Much hate, hahaha.

 

 

I asked the nurse where can I get the pilow, and she told me they don’t have any –___--

 

Music and social networking as the time killer. Left hand as put to use as right one is down for the day.

 

 

Taking the advantage of the whole blood testing thing, I asked the male attendant to check my blood type coz I had no clue what kinda blood I have. OK I’m an O positive. O as in universal donor. A statement to prove that I might be a saint after all. BAHAHAHA shut up now.

 

I just have to add this in. There was this lady, few beds away, to be exact just in front of me actually, was screaming at the top of the Himalayas to express her pain. It was scary and my first thought was whether she was pregnant. I asked the nurse, and to find out that she is suffering from some sort of mental trauma or something. OK a mentally unstable sick person was just 3 steps away from my bed. Just imagine if she went all amok and came to me and took a bite of my ass. OK enough of insult, she’s innocent. She was constantly screaming “ YA ALLAH YA AMPUN YA ALLLAH SAKIT SAKIT YA AMPUN”

Ironically, the guy next to me had the same traumatic experience at the ER too. I was soo not sure of his sickness but he kept on screaming “ HOT HOT ENOUGH. HOT HOT “  everytime the nurse is putting something on him, I thought so. If hot oil treatment was what he was getting, the nurse should better be coming to my bed coz my shoulder was aching!!!

 

Dear Siti Nurhaliza, I’ve recovered. Back to my own healthy self now. Enough of being worried. You can focus on your concert in Kuantan. Though I’m never gonna be physically there, you know my support goes a long way. Just for you.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Melaka, or Malacca. Whatever

 

* Kring Kring, Ding Dong, Meow Meow * Wtv the sms tone sounds like. Wait a minute, my phone doesn’t produce any sound, I put it on silent all the time. Hahahaha.

Checked the schedule for the next day. Ya Allah, 8 landings again??

Syukur Alhamdulillah all praise to the Mighty Allah for giving me this golden opportunity of learning, experience gaining and flying hours accumulating. But 8 landings?? That simply sums up to at least 12 hours in the aircraft. Back pain alert, I need some ointment and heat patch for my spine.

Ehhhh, I saw MKZ. MKZ? Where is this?

Malacca. YA ALLAH MALACCA!! MALACCA!!!

Ya Allah my very first international flight!! Yeah considering I just cruise within Indonesia ahahahaha. Ya Allah I’m heading home, Malaysia in terms of home not straight to home for the scrumptious home cooked nasik lemak done by Mama. My dad did informed me once I received any schedule for Melaka or Penang, the only 2 destinations where the airline landed to in Malaysia, I need to inform him beforehand. He wanted to see me making the landing. But it turned out the other way around, the captain did it for that leg hahaha.

 

Can’t anyone spot the Melaka runway??

 

Time to get most of you guys educated. Pilots, you guys are not included, therefore buzz off. Hahaha. Before a pilot, make it an airliner or just a normal casual aviator to take the sky, a request needs to be made inclusive of your intention of the flight, intended flight level or altitude, and for airliners, the destination for sure. Since I was from Batam, request must, compulsory, mandatory hahaha to be made at least 10 minutes prior to departure coz the aerodrome, or to those not really comfortable with this term you can substitute it with airport, is within the Singapore airspace. Ya Allah, the airspace is SOOOOOOOOOO congested I wished all the aircrafts will just divert elsewhere and let me fly alone uninterrupted hahaha. The common request will go as follows:

‘ NADIM GROUND, SITI NURHALIZA 123 REQUEST CLEARANCE FOR MELAKA, FLIGHT LEVEL 130’

Some sort of those format. HEY wait, I departed from Pekanbaru for Melaka, not Batam! hahahahahahaha. Get yourself corrected if you do understand what I’ve just babbled. SITI NURHALIZA 123 is the callsign for the flight of the future airline that I’ll come out in collaboration with my dearest singer. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

People around me keep of pronouncing Malacca as MALAKA. I constantly reemphasized on the correct pronunciation. ITS MELAKA. MEEEELAKA. MEEELAKA. It’s a place in Malaysia and so please pronounce the name like a Malaysian hahaha.

By the way, the enroute weather was rather unkind. Was praying nonstop. Wanted to meet my family so desperately.

 

Arrived! International airport. Wowwww I’ve made it. My international debut. HAHAHAHAHA. Just to inform that the airline I’m under is the only one operating the international route from here. So we hold the ground honey, we hold it tight!!

 

 

Ok I was there, just another photo to solidify my presence in the foreign land. Hell no, Malaysia is my home. I’m home!

 

 

Bought a polo shirt and a cap for my dad. Ended up I have to owe the cabin crew 70000 rupiah coz my wallet was completely empty bahahahaha

 

 

Walked straight to the terminal, more on a fast walking or a running pace, highly anticipated to meet my family. I SAW MY NIECE!!! YA ALLAH I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!! But she was rather adamant towards my affection and love. I just met her few weeks back. She has forgotten me!! Seriously? I’m not that memorable? Like seriously?? You should see her stiffed body and her all confused face. I was too excited I didn’t even realised my shades was on the floor hahaha.

 

 

Again, She was rather clueless about the things going on around that moment. Erghhh I’ve been forgotten. She was really nice to me when I had my week off in KL. I even bribed her with McDonalds. OK now I’ve learnt that the effect is sooo temporary. Should get her an Ipad maybe. I don’t even have one.

 

 

My brother was with her and my Mama was nowhere to be seen, and my dad was enjoying his lunch. Ya Allah, where is the freaking love I’m supposed to be getting???

The story of the stroller. OK, my Mama entered a convenience store in the terminal and my niece saw that bright pink imitation of a stroller and she took it for a stroll out from the store, minding her own business like it’s hers. Wait, she even grabbed a ten ringgit lollipop along. My brother did try to pacify and persuade over a bread as a replacement. It didn’t work. Though she strongly feeds on bread. Perhaps only Gardenia’s butterscotch will do the trick. Thirty ringgit went down the drain for the candy and the toy huhuhu.

 

 

Dear Vaseline, You lied to me. You’ve promised a fairer skin tone after 2 weeks. OK I just started putting on the product last few days hoho. Patience patience patience

 

Was waiting for Mama, Where is SHE!!! I called her name from outside of the ladies’ and no response was made. Walked into the female prayer room ( luckily didn’t get caught in the act ) and saw her praying. Why didn’t she pray earlier?? All the time I had was to salam and hug her, inside the surau itself, and that’s it. Passengers were about to board the plane and I need to get my ass back to work. Ya Allah that’s all. That’s it the time I had with my family in the airport. Duty calls. Get back to the cockpit

 

 

Sunset over, I’m not sure where ahahaha. Enroute weather was again, hell. 3 more landings to go. Ya allah, 3 MORE???

 

 

P/s: If Siti Nurhaliza was in the airport, I’ll run straight for her and sing Aku Cinta Padamu. OK now I deserve to get my mouth shut. hahaha I love you Siti Nurhaliza!